Dancing when you feel like running away

There is a song we have sung at church a few times - Heroes by Amanda Cook, and it has one line that always speaks to my heart, even after listening to probably more than 100 times,

'You taught my feet to dance upon disappointment and I will worship.'

Yes, what a journey, learning to dance upon disappointment, and I know it is a journey that is not yet finished.

How difficult is it to go from a place of being bitterly disappointment, fearful, having little trust to a place of dancing and worshiping God?

One of my first opportunities to learn how to do this dance was when I had a miscarriage after Marshall was born. Everything had gone so smoothly with the pregnancy and birth of Marshall that we just assumed it would be the same next time. However that was not the case. After the miscarriage I remember many early morning walks along the shores of Botany Bay, crying out to God in grief, asking Him to help me trust that we would be able to have another child.

Two months later we fell pregnant again. Then came the disappointment of a second miscarriage. And more early morning walks, and a deeper crying out to God in grief. It was one of those times when I'd read Proverbs 3:5,

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 NKJV

and say to God, 'Help me to trust You, my heart is breaking. I want more children.'

Other than walking and crying out to God there were some other things I did during this time to help get to the place of dancing and worshipping again:

1. Kept the communication lines open with God. I told Him all my thoughts (even though He already knew them), including the disappointment and the anger.

2. I continued to read His word, gaining comfort especially from Philippians 4:6-7

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV

3. Journalling, writing down my feelings, telling God via written prayer when I was all talked out, helped me process more.

4.We kept going to church, singing worship songs in faith to re-build our trust in God.

5. I kept communicating with Ken about how I was feeling - might have been a bit overwhelming for him at times, thankfully he can be a good listener.

6. Kept socialising with my friends from church and the local playgroup, even though that was emotionally difficult sometimes as some were having healthy pregnancies with their second child.

I kept believing that God would be the lifter of my head,

But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. Psalm 3:3 AMP

I kept trusting that even though because of Jesus, we were more than conquerors,

And we know that all these things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 NKJV

I fell pregnant again, and today we have the beautiful Charlotte, so full of life, her presence is not easily missed. 

Little did we know at the time, but that that kindergarten class of learning how to dance on disappointment with the miscarriages, was preparation for the degree course we would take a few years later with our next daughter Victoria.

And in that degree course, we have done exactly those same things I listed above, but much more purposefully, bringing greater intimacy with God, and with the wonderful family and friends that He has blessed us with, over not just 6 months but almost 7 years. Perhaps I should say it has been a double degree followed by a Masters degree. Or maybe it has been 7 years of repeating kindergarten! 

Whatever the class, in that time God has certainly taught us how to dance upon disappointment and worship. And not only has He taught Ken and I, He is teaching our children too. As they experience disappointments (some more than others), the worship music goes on, the journals come out, the drawing starts and their relationship with God grows.

You did it: you changed my wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. I'm about to burst with song; I can't keep quiet about you. GOD, my God, I can't thank you enough. Psalm 30:11-12 The Message

Question for today, is there an area in your life that you need help learning to dance on the disappointment? Why not ask God to show you the first step? And then be brave and do it.