Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Fragility, faith and choosing to trust

A little story. Yesterday I sat next to the MRI machine as Victoria had her 25th brain scan. The pattern of the beeps of the machine become strangely familiar after a few years, so yesterday when there was a pause in the process and then the machine did something recognisably different I felt my body tense. What's going on? Why is it different today? On the outside I sat calmly, but on the inside fear was trying to take hold.

Some self-talk, "No. All is good. You've got this God."

Breathing. Keep breathing.

I've had this experience before, about 7 years ago when it was me in the CT machine. They stopped the scan to review the images with a doctor before continuing to take another set of images. There was a concern. But praise God as they continued down the path with surgery, the concern dissipated.

Breathing. Keep breathing.

And then there was Victoria's initial scan 7.5 years ago, when I was oblivious to these nuances but I knew something wasn't right.

Some more self-talk, "It's gonna be okay. My God's got this."

The nurse enters the room. She explains that the doctor had ordered a different scan today.

My mind starts racing, why? He didn't say anything about that six months ago.

Breathing. Keep breathing.

The nurse continues explaining that now they are doing a different type of scan for children. She is looking intently into my eyes to re-assure me. Victoria is oblivious, watching the movie via the mirrors.

Okay, I choose to trust the nurse's words. I choose to trust that my God has got this. It's gonna be okay.

Some more new things happen during the scan, and then it is finished. We leave. We'll return on Thursday to get the results.

This is a little story of fragility, faith and the choice to trust. Fragility from the pain of past experiences. Faith to believe that there is a God in heaven who is bigger than our circumstances. And making the choice to trust Him in the waiting.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 NKJV

Today, if there is something in your life that is playing on your fragility, then lets remember who we are - children of God, with full access to the throne room of God ....

So now we come freely and boldly to where love is enthroned, to receive mercy's kiss and discover the grace we urgently need to strengthen us in our time of weakness. Hebrews 4:16 TPT

Let's go freely and boldly to Jesus today.





No comments: